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Mar. 15th, 2025 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
malymin Exhausted. Depressed.
Places that used to feel fun feel like ghost towns. Internet too. I try creating - drawing, writing - but I feel dissatisfied. I look at my most recent work and find it lacking some unnamed quality. I want to beg people to prove it's not garbage, I want to prove I'm right that it's garbage, I want to not impose on anyone and crawl into a small quiet hole. I spend all day having fun with friends and then immediately once it's over I'm lonely. I want to talk to people. I'm scared to talk to people. I'm scared to put myself out there because what if I find them lacking, what if they find me lacking. I don't have the energy to care about anything. I don't have the energy to be passionate. The Internet used to be a place you can meet people with common interests but I've forgotten how. I'm drained but I can't sleep. I feel guilty for not writing. I feel guilty for not drawing.
It's strange, I went to a convention today and had a good time, but then I did chores afterwards and started feeling like this. The con doesn't even feel like it happened today. It feels like it happened yesterday, or maybe even years ago. It's so hazy. It doesn't feel real. Why do my good memories have to slip away so fast?
Places that used to feel fun feel like ghost towns. Internet too. I try creating - drawing, writing - but I feel dissatisfied. I look at my most recent work and find it lacking some unnamed quality. I want to beg people to prove it's not garbage, I want to prove I'm right that it's garbage, I want to not impose on anyone and crawl into a small quiet hole. I spend all day having fun with friends and then immediately once it's over I'm lonely. I want to talk to people. I'm scared to talk to people. I'm scared to put myself out there because what if I find them lacking, what if they find me lacking. I don't have the energy to care about anything. I don't have the energy to be passionate. The Internet used to be a place you can meet people with common interests but I've forgotten how. I'm drained but I can't sleep. I feel guilty for not writing. I feel guilty for not drawing.
It's strange, I went to a convention today and had a good time, but then I did chores afterwards and started feeling like this. The con doesn't even feel like it happened today. It feels like it happened yesterday, or maybe even years ago. It's so hazy. It doesn't feel real. Why do my good memories have to slip away so fast?
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Date: 2025-03-17 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-17 04:11 am (UTC)Thank you... I felt better today, at least.