I find I have, since at least middle school, had a recurring pattern of being emotionally attached to characters who are undead, or have been turned into monsters. Characters that the narrative usually says should "move on [to the afterlife]" or "be put out of their misery." If they don't get mercy killed, because this is a more escapist or cheerful story, they usually instead get restored to exactly how they were prior to The Incident. Cleaned, purified, perfectly without any trace of monstrous corruption or ghostly despair. Often even without memory of the time spent in that state, so that neither they nor their friends have to think about it. The audience doesn't have to think about it, either.
A happier ending... but one that always dissatisfied me.
One of the closest things I've ever really seen to what I want. Was an AU that Zarla made for her Left for Dead OCs, back on Livejournal, in 2010. These characters of theirs were originally designed as genderswaps of the male-only special infected enemies in that game, but became full-fledged individuals with human personalities later down the line. I was an even bigger fan of those characters than I was of Zarla's art and musings on our shared fandoms, truth be told. Even though I never cared for zombie apocalypse fiction, and certainly knew nothing about Left For Dead itself.
They explored the idea of an AU where the characters, long after having become (special) infected, were given a miracle cure for zombie-ism! But the miracle cure wasn't a cure-all; physical and mental alterations remained, even with a return to lucidity.
Anyway let's explore a slightly different idea for a bit. EchoGarrote actually wrote a bit about this basic concept in some of his fics, but I hadn't really done any drawings or exploration of it myself until recently, haha.
Anyway, basically I was wondering if, should some kind of cure be developed for the Infection, what kind of aftereffects would linger if you'd been a Special Infected first. Being mutated that severely isn't something that just goes away, after all. So these are basic notes on what state they all might be in should they be cured of zombie-ism by some kind of miracle drug or another.
(We can suspend our disbelief for a broken curse leaving no ill traces behind, for curses themselves are as fundamentally magic and imaginary things as cure-alls are; but zombie apocalypse fiction has a pretense, however flimsy, of being grounded in a modern world of biology and science. On the spectrum of treating infectious monsterhood like a demonic curse or a deadly disease, the pop-culture zombie leans as far from magic as possible, compared to its werewolf and vampire cousins.)
And then Zarla went into more detail here. Here's a transcript of one panel.
Patient: S-so, does the s-shaking ever stop? I-it's hard to focus, heh...
Doctor: Unfortunately, your version of the virus seems to do some permanent nerve damage... none of the other Jockeys have stopped. The lack of mood control is pretty common... but you are one of the first female ones, so maybe it'll be different for you. You never know, right?
Of course a zombie virus would be permanently disabling. Why wouldn't it be? Their brains can recover but they'll never be the same. Their bodies will never be the same, either.
Zombie fiction has a survival-of-the-fittest streak, at times veering towards the openly eugenicist; not all zombie stories lack sympathy for the weak and disabled, but it's in the zeitgeist of the the genre, you know? So the notion of curing zombies, instead of just gunning them down? Of accepting cured zombies, with brain damage and scars from the virus' ravages, as human beings who deserve to live? Society can barely even accept real disabled people: people with brain damage, or massive physical scaring, as real human beings. Society often doesn't. There's certainly no room in that worldview for providing treatment, rehab, and accommodations to suffers of a homicidal-urge inducing virus.
But you know... I think about that binary attitude towards disease, and mental illness, and imaginary curses and afflictions. If you're a character in these stories, there's three outcomes, most of the time:
- You're cured with no ill effects.
- It kills you.
- It's a fate worse than death.
3 is effectively the same as 2, most of the time. You're not you once you've succumbed, there's no hope of saving you, and a bullet to your head is just finishing the job and letting your soul rest.
And I think about how it seems like people can't get it in their heads, in the real world, that Long Covid is real, and we should care about it. About how little society cares for anyone who can never be cured, whether it's as obviously physical as a lost limb or as invisible as a mental illness. You either die or you're fine, right? There's never a category in between. Nobody in our culture wants to think about a "damaged" survivor.
I want a world where we can think about this, though. The people who will never be the same again living and finding reason to live despite the things that have changed, that they've lost, that make it hard for them to live in the world. In melodramatic metaphor, as well as real and grounded truth.