Our life experiences have shaped who we expect hostility from and who we expect safety from. So I relate to you even though my experiences were different from yours.
Even with my closest friends I often feel scared I'll say something wrong that will make them despise me - not because I have reason to believe that they'd turn on me that quickly, but because I feel in constant danger of being deserving of scorn, and like life is a constant game of hiding that I'm actually a bad or unpleasant person. No amount of being proven otherwise ever really makes that feeling go away.
TT It seems to me that you say things thoughtfully, and in good faith, so I hope that the people you choose to confide in also make the effort to understand you when you're expressing something to them.
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Date: 2025-03-21 10:09 pm (UTC)TT It seems to me that you say things thoughtfully, and in good faith, so I hope that the people you choose to confide in also make the effort to understand you when you're expressing something to them.